i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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