Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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