I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
