She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
