when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
