Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
