So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
