i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
