The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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