we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
