On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dicks are not precious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
