I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
