I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
