Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
