she woke up with a sticky ear
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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