So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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