um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
