If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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