I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
