Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
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I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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