His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
