You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
