btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
home. puking in laundry basket.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
