i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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