this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
