Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
