I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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