I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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