the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
