Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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