actually, I'm a sock model
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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