Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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