Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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