I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
