My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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