May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
