I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
