Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
