she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
