We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
