well I can't set my house on fire every night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He passed out mid-signature
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
