In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
