Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
