All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
