Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
