I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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