Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
