She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
