i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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