But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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