there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
