y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
