everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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