my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
worst night to have a conscience
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
