I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
