I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
