I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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