Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
