we're blogging at a bar
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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