we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
